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I Do I Do I Do

June 14, 2018

Oh, that day. The day most little girls dream of, fantasize about and play out in their mind. The day they say “I Do.” They may not have a boyfriend but you can be sure that every girl has thought about more than once what kind of wedding she wants. What kind of engagement ring she wants. Specifically, the shape of the diamond, the color of the gold and whether she wants diamonds in the band or not. What kind of dress she will wear, where the wedding will take place and if she will have an all-out mega reception with a live band. To have a wedding planner or not, this is the question.

Why are we more concerned with the minute details of one day and not focused on preparing for the emotional, physical and spiritual coming together of two lives?  Have we lost sight of what’s really important? How is having the perfect white dress going to help you when the first conflict happens in the car on the way to the airport to leave for your honeymoon? And those perfect centerpieces on the tables at the reception, how do they help you when you find yourself doing all the chores in the house, and he comes home turns on the TV, flops on the couch and puts his feet up?

I was no more prepared for marriage than most twenty-year-olds. I too was guilty of being focused on the wedding day and not the many years of marriage ahead. I believe it was my strong faith conviction and the vow I took that tethered me to my husband when most young women would not have stuck it out. But in the end, the lack of preparation for marriage combined with the wounds on my soul from my childhood doomed my marriage before it began.

As a single mom, my life was hectic and busy, but there has always been a longing in my heart to share my life in a healthy love relationship that ultimately would lead to marriage. Yep, that’s right, I said the “M” word, marriage! In a culture today where everybody does whatever is right in their own eyes, whatever is true for them, whatever feels right, just do it. Problem is, this is not a Nike advertisement, this is a serious life decision. Saying “I do” doesn’t make a person capable of it, it just makes you accountable for saying “I do.”  When you’re accountable for something you’re not capable of it just makes you miserable. It’s foolish to promise something you haven’t prepared for. That reminds me of a verse in the bible that goes like this, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to counsel.”

Here are some things to be thinking about in light of your future marriage. If you have met him, consider getting your house in order, it will make you more marketable. Who wants to buy a car that is dirty, full of trash and has bald tires? The same would go for you if you’re in the market for a husband.  A messy house, $50,000 in debt and kids that are out of control might not be the best selling points, so take this time while you are single to prepare, it’s never too early

  • Expectations For The Marriage. Do you want more children? If so, how many? Will you want to be a stay at home mom? You have to be willing to communicate your expectations before the big day.
  • Finances. What are your financial goals? Will you want joint bank accounts? Are you a saver or a spender? Have you just spent your last penny and you’re hoping your mate will have a fat bank account?
  • Expectations For The Marriage. Who will do what chores? Is it ok to have a relationship with the opposite sex? Are you spiritually compatible? How serious are you about practicing your faith. How will faith play a role in raising your kids?
  • Intimacy. If “physical touch” is not your love language, but it’s his, you need to discuss the expectations for intimacy. How often is enough? What do you need to feel wanted and needed sexually?

If you feel you have met the one, I would urge you to seek out pre-marital counseling, read marriage help books and create a marriage mission statement. It’s not possible to over-prepare, and you don’t want to become a statistic because you failed to plan for one of the most important decisions of your life.