Boundaries Are Part Of God’s Protection Plan
March 4, 2019
Growing up I thought I was an extention of my mother. I had no sense of self. No sense of where my mom ended and I began. I can think back now and wonder, was it my birth order? I was the baby in the family. The fourth child of out of four. Was it easier for my mom to just tell me what to do rather than do the exhausting task of teaching and training me how to make good decisions? Was she tired of child rearing by the time I came along? It was a different time then. In fact, I remember being told “children are to be seen and not heard.” I think all this plays into why I have found it difficult to have healthy boundaries. I now know, boundaries are a part of God’s protection plan.
I don’t think I’m alone. If you’ve ever been frustrated because you seem to be the one always doing for everybody else then you might want to examine the boundaries you have with those closest to you. That could include your closest relationships. Parents, siblings, friends and your children.
In the physical world boundaries are easy to see. They can look like fences, signs, walls, hedges etc…
Personal boundaries are what define your identity.
They’re like the property lines around a home. This is my property, and that is not my property. This is me — what I value, am good at, believe, need, or feel — and that is not me.
A personal boundary is the defining line that marks where you begin. It’s what separates your identity from others, and it defines what you have authority over and what you don’t.
Often times if you have been raised in a dysfunctional home it’s commom to not have personal boundaries or know you need them.
Personal boundaries are also meant to keep us safe. They are like guardrails along a highway. We get alerted when we are getting too close to a guardrail because we start to go over those noisy, bumpy lane relfectors and we definitly know when we have hit a guardrail. In the same way we know when someone is getting too close to one of our boundaries. We may react in anger, frustration, or losing our cool makes it clear a boundary has been crossed
When we are not secure that we are loved, we are forced to choose between two bad options.
- We set limits and risk losing the relationship
- We don’t set limits and remain a prisoner to the wishes of another.
This is when you know you are in trouble. It may be a toxic love relationship and you don’t want to speak up because you don’t want him to leave you or worse you don’t speak up and you end up being that prisioner in the relationship. You know it’s wrong. There may be abusive language spoken in front of your kids, or physical harm to you or your kids and yet you don’t speak your boundaries because you feel you need the relationship or don’t want to be alone.
Having a lack of healthy boundaries may indicate you don’t value yourself.
The truth is we need to see ourselves the way God sees us. We need to focus on the truth of who God says we are, not who man says we are.
Boundaries are about God’s restoring freedom to you and me so that we could take control of our lives to be able to love Him and others. Ultimately, that is the fruit of boundaries—to love out of freedom, and with purpose.