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A Shattered Family

March 2, 2018

This was never your plan. You could never have imagined ending up here. So many emotions churning in your head. How do you sort them all out? How do you go on?

Sadly, if you find yourself today with a family that’s been shattered, you’re not alone. It has commonly been claimed that half of all marriages end in divorce. That estimate is possibly based on the fact that there are twice as many marriages as divorces per year. I don’t know about you, but I felt there was a stigma around single motherhood. Somehow they must not have done something right, that’s why they are single-mothers.  Then I became one.

My parents were married until the day they died. That was my plan. Till death do us part. Even when you have planned, plotted and prayed there will be things that you have no control over. In fact, the only thing you do have control of is yourself.

This loss of control was a surprise to me. You see, I had gotten married very young and I just thought life would go as I wanted. Ha! Anybody else feel that way or is just me?

For better or worse, in sickness and in health, that’s what I signed up for.  I heard my mate say those very same words and yet we must have had two different interpretations. There was sickness. He developed Type 1 diabetes shortly after we were married. It was complicated and frustrating at times but you get through it. I was committed. There was worse, or so I thought, with suspicion of infidelity sprinkled throughout our entire marriage.

I did what I thought was the right thing to do and seek counsel from my Pastor and Counselors that could help get on us the right path. I was committed.

You see, even with all the outside help and self-help books I read about marriage and relationships we all have our own free will. To do what we want. It’s our natural bend, to think of ourselves.  In the end, my spouse made his exit because that was best for him. I was thinking of what was good for the family as a whole. An intact family was my goal. I knew there would be twists and turns and ups and downs. I came to realize that the marriage journey would be more of an endurance run rather than a sprint.

Acceptance is the key to unlocking your future. It wasn’t until I stopped kicking and screaming silently about my failed marriage or the fact that I was now a single mom, that I could move beyond it to all that God had waiting for me.  I had to accept my circumstances however unwanted they were. Fighting my new reality wouldn’t make it not so, instead, it would just continue to cripple me if I let it. I think I was stuck thinking that to accept my new reality meant I had to get over it, instead of simply acknowledging what was.

It’s been a slow crawl at times, but I am an overcomer.  I am sure you are too or you wouldn’t be reading this. I hope you accept the things you can’t change and have the courage to change the things you can.