May 25, 2018
Love waits and waits and waits. Does it feel that way for you? I know I feel that way. Do you listen to sappy love songs and wonder when it’s going to be your turn on the merry-go-round of love? Or did you just jump off that carnival ride? Whether you were married or with the love of your life sometimes what we think is love isn’t love at all.
There is a song written by Colin Greenwood from the band Radiohead, an English alternative rock band. The song is called True Love Waits it depicts how many of us mamas may feel. It goes like this, “I’ll drown my beliefs to have your babies, I’ll dress like your niece and wash your swollen feet. Just don’t leave. Don’t leave. I’m not living, I’m just killing time. Your tiny hands, your crazy kitten smile. Just don’t leave, don’t leave.”
Do these lyrics resonate with you? Have you ever been in a relationship, where your need to be loved was so loud that you couldn’t hear the tiny screams from your soul saying this isn’t love. You knew something wasn’t right from the start but he flattered you. You thought, be patient, give it time. Over time you lost more and more of your soul. You thought things would change. They did, except now you have babies to think about. You can’t leave now. More time goes by. You realize you want different things. You want to raise your children with moral values, except your partner isn’t exhibiting any morals in your home. The conflict in your heart is as big as the Grand Canyon.
Now you are alone. You have kids to raise and you still have this need to be loved. We all do, our need for love and belonging are essential for our growth, that’s why it doesn’t go away.
I am so grateful for the gift of time. It was 6 years between the time my husband left our home until there was a Dissolution of Marriage certificate handed to me. It was now final. In the years in between, I was praying for a miracle. God is in the miracle business, right? Couldn’t He put back the broken pieces of my marriage, or better yet take the two flawed people we were and make something even better?
That was my hope and my focus. I tell you that because what I thought was an endless amount of time was not idly spent. I poured myself into seeking out what it would take to succeed in marriage. What did a successful marriage look like? I went to marriage seminars and bought books on marriage. Now you may be thinking that’s a little crazy. Really, a marriage seminar? Yep, if I wanted to learn how to speak Spanish I would have to take a Spanish course or buy Rosetta Stone educational software. Or better yet, immerse myself in a culture of people who were speaking Spanish. So I wanted to hang around married folk that were trying to do it right. It was obvious I had failed at marriage, but that doesn’t have to be the end of my story.
I wrote this verse from the bible with dry erase marker on the mirror in my daughter’s bathroom. She was away in college and I was starting to date. My bathroom mirror was already full of encouraging words I wasn’t ready to erase. I would meditate on this verse before and after my dates. Remember I did not have a good barometer of what real love looked like. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” I would measure my dates against these words.
I would like to tell you that I have done everything perfectly, but I haven’t. I have given some guys more dates than I should have. Some were not so kind, and definitely self-seeking, but I am a work in progress. I will tell you while you have children to raise make them your focus. I know you’re hurting. I know you wonder if you’ll ever be loved. I know you are lonely. But in due time you will reap a harvest. In other words, if you take the time now to heal your heart and soul you will be prepared for the right relationship when it presents itself.
Good things come to those who wait.