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Gracefully Broken

April 18, 2018

Have you ever wondered why rejection hurts so much? The risk of rejection is even greater these days thanks to electronic communications and social media platforms. Who hasn’t misunderstood a text or been “unfriended?” It would seem to me whether you’re the rejecter or the rejected, there is a pain you can’t deny. When the rejection is so devastating you can’t see how your soul will heal. All you can feel is a numbness from being cast aside. I call it, gracefully broken.

Believe it or not, rejection can be a good thing. How’s that you say? Even if you are a few years out of high school most of us can look back and be thankful that that guy that you had a mad crush on dissed you. He is now bald and overweight. At the time he made your heart go pitter-patter. Now you wouldn’t even give him a second look. The gift of time has given you a different perspective.

Rejection is a strong emotion. Emotions are teachers, they alert us to what we are really feeling.

I remember when my husband left our home. I had two small daughters and it came as an utter shock to me, even though the marriage was rocky for most of the nineteen years prior. I was angry! I couldn’t identify why at the time, I just felt pain. I needed time to process my feelings. Years later I was able to realize that I felt hurt, tossed aside, I had been traded for another woman that surely was prettier and skinnier than I was. I felt less than. No good.

Rejection comes in many forms, from not being picked for the basketball team at school to a spouse walking out on you. Non-the-less, I believe we can use rejection for our good. Here are some tools to use the next time you are faced with rejection.

         1. Identify The Emotion. Ask yourself, what are you really feeling?

         2. Acknowledge The Feeling. Appreciate that it’s a valuable emotion. Now you can change your perception of it.

         3. Get Curious. What is the message you are getting from this emotion?

         4. Redefine it. Make it work for you. No longer does an emotion have to rule you. You rule your emotions. How can you look at this situation differently? Can you change the way you see it?

         5. Get Certain. Certain that you can handle this emotion in the future. Picture it, see yourself handling this emotion victoriously if it were to happen again. Give yourself some grace, that the next time you will have a better approach when rejection comes your way.

           6. Take Action. Do something contrary the next time rejection comes your way. Take diverse action to rewire your brain so the next time you will feel differently when rejection comes. See yourself handling it better.

I believe we all have the power to choose how we want our story to go. You may have a preset story from your childhood and it’s not turning out the way you had planned. Well, now you can change that. What are some decisions you can change to fit your new story? You can overcome your past!